The shooting, which he committed when he was 18, and was not aware had actually killed his victim, weighed heavily on his mind, and he has now revealed that his guilt was actually interfering with his rehabilitation from addiction to PCP, and preventing him from being a father to his three children.
"I was thinking about it for a while," he told XXL, in an interview from Rikers Island. "That day, I did an interview for this public-access show. Right after that, I decided to just go ahead to the precinct. I remember, in the precinct, when everything transpired, [the police officer] gave me a phone to call my daughter's mother. I was like, 'Yeah, I'm going to have to go down for this, go through the system and all of that.' So that was the first taste of just realizing that it's a wrap."
The 'Special Delivery' rapper, born Trevell Coleman, said that he is spending his time meditating and contemplating the decisions he made that led up to the act and his confession.
"I felt like I was going to go through the same thing again -- being happy, enjoying food and family -- and I still didn't handle what I thought I needed to. The reason why I probably did that at that time is I wanted ... I couldn't really continue to move on," G-Dep explained. "Knowing what I did affected someone else's life. It was the fact that I had children that I thought about stuff like that. I didn't feel it was fair. I just wanted to take care of that, and have some resolve for the situation. I didn't know what was going to be the outcome, but that was the only way I knew to deal with it. I felt like I was being a negative influence anyway, with the mind-state I was in."
Thanking Diddy for reaching out to his family, and showing support, the troubled Harlem MC, who broke onto the scene with his classic 12" 'Head Over Wheels' in 1996, continued to describe the extreme depths of his addiction to PCP, and how its hallucinogenic properties caused him to feel like "a whole other person."
"I remember, one day specifically, I was in the house and just looked at my surroundings and everything, and it just felt like I was a whole other person. I think that was probably the worst I got, just letting it all go," he revealed. "I think I really didn't pay attention to the profession I was in. I kind of always was trying to medicate myself, trying to feel nothing. I knew I had a job to do, and once I did it, I was like, OK. Other than that, in my free time, that's what I did in my spare time: I just medicated and got high."
G-Dep is currently still awaiting trial at Rikers Island prison.
Watch G-Dep's 'Special Delivery'