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9. 'The Birth of Big Baby Jesus' -- Starring Ol' Dirty Bastard

Scott Gries, Getty Images

Religious zealots might hate us for this one. In a tiny manger set in the Brooklyn Zoo, a large child named Dirt McGirt is born. His natural facial hair has him resemble Jesus, and so, Big Baby Jesus is his name. He travels the land, using nothing but an outdated welfare card to identify himself, until one day he’s asked to help lead a colony of young ninjas from Shaolin. It’s not the best job, but he takes it, and in his spare time offers monologues about the dangers of gonorrhea at local community theaters. He finally decides he’s “for the children” and opens a day care. That sounds exactly like Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s life, doesn’t it?